Life's A 13itch
by Unknwn-Past
Summary: A little fanfiction on how Tomoyo copes with the relationship that she and Eriol are having after all these years of beign merely friends...
1. Late One Night

Disclaimers: I don't' own ANY of CardCaptor Sakura. This fanfiction is my original creation. If you had read something similar to this in any ways.it's merely accidental. This is merely how Tomoyo feels and how she copes with her hidden feelings.  
  
Chapter 01: Late One Night  
  
|| Normal POV ||  
  
4:04 am  
  
Tomoyo suddenly woke up to the sound of her music blasting off the song, Heaven: Dj Sammy. She lay on her bed, now wide-awake. She couldn't go back to sleep anymore. There were so many things running through her mind at the time. All this burden she needed to get off her chest but won't allow herself to.  
  
|| Tomoyo's POV ||  
  
Sigh.great.I cant go back to sleep now. Why didn't he call like he usually does whenever we get in a fight? I called like he had asked me to last night but he didn't even pick up. What's happening to our relationship? Everything's going so wrong.  
  
Why cant things be like how it used to be? Before when we were just best friends everything was going so well. We got closer during the summer and soon date before school started once again. But now, everything seems so wrong, out of place.  
  
It was hard enough not being able to see him when he was here.now that he went on vacation to a place that's more than 1000 miles away.what am I suppose to do? I miss him so much to the point where it hurts so much. I have to cry myself to sleep each night wondering what did I do wrong.  
  
I don't see how he could even stand me. I put him through so much pain. All the stupid things I do.wait.all the things I DON'T do. I hate to see him hurt.but I can't seem to stop myself from doing that. It's harder trying to fix things cuz I never know exactly what to say to make things better. Instead, I seem to make things worse and we always end up in a fight because of me.  
  
With all these things bury deep inside.I really wish to confide in somebody. The only closest person I got is Sakura. But whenever I would try to tell her how I'm doing or what's wrong.she would just dump my emotions to the side and tell me her problems. I can't just interrupt her like she did with me. I gotta act like a best friend would, even if my feelings would get toss around.  
  
I really wish to tell her how I feel, but she just doesn't understand how it's like to be me because she's too dense to even realize that I'm hurting inside.  
  
What kind of best friend are you Sakura!??! You wouldn't even listen to me when I need you the most! Whenever I need you to be there for me you never are. All you care about is yourself and nobody else. You don't even care about the person that you see as a sister.me.  
  
I thought about telling my friend Chiharu.she would know exactly what to say to make me feel better. But the more I thought about it.I don't' want to bother her on any of my burden. She already has her own problems to deal with.I don't want to add mines to hers.  
  
I don't know what to do anymore! It's just so hard! I can't seem to live with him but I cant live without him either! Argh!!! This is so hard!! Why does life have to be a bitch like this!! Why can't it let me be happy for once!!  
  
After all I went through to have found my one true love.life's had to get in the way and made things hard!!! It won't allow me to be happy! Why wont it! I didn't do anything wrong!  
  
Sigh.I'm being too selfish.I should consider Eriol's feelings as well. He's going through the same thing as me, maybe it's even harsher on him.  
  
I love you so much Eriol.I just cant seem to ever get the right words to tell you how much I feel. I really want to show you that I care.that I'm always going to be there for you no matter what. But whenever I try.I end up hurting you in some way and I hate that!  
  
I'm so sorry for making you go through all this shit to just be with me. I'm so sorry. That's the only words I can think of but I know that's not going to make things any better than it is now. You said that those words don't mean more than telling you that you're being a jerk. But that's not true! I try to say those words as less as possible because whenever I say it.I know that I had done something to have hurt you and that's the only way I can tell you that I know I did something wrong.  
  
I can't ever seem to make you happy in anyway! At times.I wonder why you even put up with me. Are you sure this is all worth it? Am I worth it?  
  
Eriol.I'm not worth ANY of your time.not worth your love.I'm nothing but a mistake in your life. Why wont you just break up with me and find yourself somebody that's going to take care of you and actually make you happy?!?! I don't seem to be that person.  
  
I really wish I could tell you exactly how I feel.but I might end up hurting you even more than you already are. I don't want that to happen. I tried to open up to you once before but it blew up in my face and we ended up in an argument. I don't want that to happen again.  
  
If only things were how it was when you were going out with Rika.we were nothing more than best friends. At that point, I wanted us to be more than that but now.I want us to become best friends again. At least when we were.we didn't get into any arguments. All that we shared were happy moments.and I always seem to know what to say to make you forget about the pain that Rika brought upon you. But now that we're going out.I'm so cautious about not wanting to hurt you.that I end up doing so without realizing it.  
  
I don't know what to do any more.things are getting more and more complicated as we near our 1st anniversary. It's only several months ahead and I don't want us getting into another fight right before it. I really hate all the fights we have. It hurts so much!  
  
With every tear that I had shed.don't seem to mean anything no more. It's nothing but mere salt water now. I shed too much. I had once thought that finding your one true love is a miraculous thing. But what happen to that thought of mine? I thought the one that truly loves me would never make me cry.but instead.you're the only person I ever cry for.  
  
I've never shed so many tears before until you came along. I didn't even think I had this many to offer.  
  
Why cant things be better.? Why are there so many strife in life? Sigh.I just don't know what to do anymore.I'm not even sure I can bare this any longer.but I'm gonna try.for you Eriol.I'm going to try my best and make this work.  
  
I love you.I just have to find a way to show you how much I care for you.  
  
Sigh.I still can't seem to fall back asleep! I'm more awake now than ever! Sigh.  
  
|| Normal POV ||  
  
The young girl sighed again.she stay lying on her bed and looking at her ceiling.still with her thoughts racing in her head. Soon, a tear found it's way down her delicate cheek even though she tried to hold it back.  
  
After staying up for several hours.Tomoyo was still awake.she couldn't do anything to fall asleep.  
  
From outside her bedroom walls.you could hear her whimpering softly into the night.her breathing became quicker and quicker.her tears came too quickly for her.she couldn't breathe anymore.  
  
The girl tried her best to calm herself down.the way Eriol does whenever she cried in front of him.  
  
Things would be so much better if you were here.she thought to herself as she finally drifted into an uneasy sleep.  
  
(AUTHOR'S NOTE: This is just a little something I wrote because I couldn't sleep.I know it's kinda short but it's all I could think of at the moment.everything dealt in this chapter is.almost too real for me.I just hope you guys liked it.please read and review.tell me what you thought of it so far.for me personally.I have no opinion on it whatsoever.if it sucks.it sucks.if it's good (ha! I doubt it) then it's good I suppose.anyways.please Read & Review) 


	2. Another Fight

DISCLAIMER: I don't own any of CCS characters. CLAMP owns them. I WISH I could own them.at least I wont be living in this dump call a home.  
  
Chapter 02: Another Fight  
  
9:45 p.m.  
  
|| Tomoyo's POV ||  
  
He called just a while ago. It's been a whole day since we last talked because of the fight of the previous night.  
  
I can't stand this any longer!  
  
Whenever we have a chance to talk we always end up hurt one way or the other.  
  
It's always been like this. Always have been and it don't seem to be changing at all. I guess it's my entire fault for it. Since it most of the time anyways.  
  
At first Eriol was all hyped and perked. He sounded so happy.almost too happy.it seemed like that fight that we had was meaningless to him. His perkiness got on my nerve after a while because he was being too carefree.  
  
Yeah sure, he said he missed me. But did he really. He didn't even sound serious when he said that.  
  
I didn't tell him that his hyper-self was kinda pissing me off cuz it seemed like he was trying to hide something.  
  
I can't seem to know what to do!  
  
He asked me again 'why do you love me?'  
  
I know the answer I wanna give him but my mouth never seems to open up and tell him exactly how I feel. Why isn't it letting me? Is it because if I do something bad's going to happen or something? It can't cuz it's exactly the same reason why he loves me.  
  
He told me once.he told me a thousand times why.and all he asked in return was why I love him so much.  
  
I know what to say.it just wont come out.and it hurts him cuz to him it seems like I cant trust him.but I do. He's the ONLY person I DO trust on the earth. Nobody else, I can never depend on them.  
  
Right now.all I'm doing is writing down what I'm feeling and blasting my music. The music helps drown out my thoughts and let me be in peace for a little while. Eriol had told me that when you feel down, mad, or whatever that you should write it down. It works cuz I feel like the burden's been lifted and I'm not as heavy inside.  
  
Eriol said he'll call back.I know he will call back.at least.just not tonight.he's going to call after a whole day has gone by.  
  
It was so hard sleeping last night without him by my side.or at least had a good conversation with him.  
  
It seems that if we get into a fight now.he lets me go.as if it's going to get resolve on its own.  
  
I thought so too at first.but then I realize that it wouldn't.  
  
It makes things 1000x worse.  
  
I don't know what to do.I really don't.  
  
At times.I really do think of hurting myself.and maybe in the brink of suicide.possibly.the chance of doing so.  
  
But I cant do that because I must care about the people around me.especially Eriol's. I told him that I would always be there for him. I can't just leave him behind with all the pain while I'm gone and my worries astray.  
  
But I doubt that's going to happen. My problems will always be there, since I'm always running away from them.  
  
I know that's not a good thing to do.but at times.it seems like it's the best thing to do. To just be able to get rid of it for a couple hours and live life carefree.  
  
But until it crawls back into my life.then all hell break loose.  
  
What can I do.? I really want to tell Eriol how much I care for him.how much I love him.I want to tell him WHY I love him.  
  
I love him because he's so different from the rest of the guys that I've seen and known.  
  
I love him because he's always going to be there for me no matter what the cause may be.  
  
I love him because he's always there to lend a helping hand.  
  
I love him because he's understanding and patient with me.  
  
I love him because after all this time.he's still willing to keep faith in me.  
  
I love him because of the way he shows his devotion and caring. I love him because he's willing to put up with all the bull shit I put him through.  
  
I love him because he's always there to support my every decision.  
  
I love him because he doesn't force me into doing something I don't want to do.  
  
I love him because he's true to himself and to me.  
  
I love him because of his faithfulness and loyalty towards the one he loves.  
  
I love him because he's him.  
  
He's everything I been looking for in a guy.the guy of my dreams.the perfect guy.in my eyes anyways.  
  
He's perfect in my eyes.the way he is.  
  
I just love him so much! I don't know why I can't tell him WHY I love him.  
  
It hurts me because something's holding me back from telling him how I feel and I don't want to see him hurt because of him thinking I don't know WHY I love him.I do.  
  
I just.can't seem.to express it.  
  
(AUTHOR'S NOTE: This is kinda really emotion.in a way.I guess.if you would even call it that. It sucks I know I know.) 


End file.
